Man I Don’t Know My Presidents – William Henry Harrison #9

Ladies and Gentlemen…Let’s Welcome…

• Old Tippacanoe (Commemorates his 2 victories over Tecumsah)
• Granny Harrison (At 68 he was then the oldest president to be elected)
• General Mum (Denotes his avoidance to speak on controversial issues)
• Log Cabin Candidate (positioning him as a man of the people, even though he did come from a privileged background)
• Cinncanatus of the West (Comparing him to both the original and Goerge Washington)

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What’s wrong with this Picture?

Spot the problem.  Some folks should not be allowed to touch tools.

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Separated At Birth?

You’re gowing too similair for my tastes.

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Favorite Watch Friday.

I kind of like watches.  Well, more than kind of.  I really, really like watches.  I’m not crazy or obsessive or anything, but I really have an appreciation for great watches.  Sure, I’ll read WatchTime magazine.  Sure, I’ll surf the used pieces on eBay.  It’s a sickness, and I’m infected.

I thought it would be fun (at least for me) to share with the Life Tussle audience some of my favorite watches.  I’ll just keep it simple and give you a little background and why I like it.  I’ll even throw in a photo.  Come on, it will be fun.

So, for the first Favorite Watch Friday post, I’ve selected a classic…

Omega Speedmaster

 

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Week’s End Update – Your Headlines

Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence says Tara Reid reeked of booze and cigarettes - In her defence, Reid claims that booze and cigarettes were the only thing that could mask the overwhelming stench of abject failure and total shamefaced disgrace.

China set to unblock “Great Firewall” during Bejing Olympics- Millions of Chinese have two weeks to google search how Westerners get rid of all their unwanted female children.

Winona Ryder was caught shoplifting makeup from a CVS. – Her excuse last time was she was “researching a role,” this time she claimed she “didn’t know how that got there,” once she blows through “holding it for a friend,” expect the next excuse to invole either magnets or tiny little men in her pockets. – But seriously, isn’t the real story here that Winona uses drugstore cosmetics? Doesn’t she have any celeb-u-status left to score some high-end serious swag?

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The Quotable Beauty and the Geek

You don’t need to watch television but if you do, sometimes you can learn things. And in general, I like learning. BoyHowdy, delivering new information to me via a box full of multi-colored moving images is the way to go! Passive learning. Look at me sprawled out on the couch…Learning!

Some Highlights from THE BEAUTIES:

• I literally cannot tell time. I can stare at a clock…And I know the steps…People have tried to teach me..It’s just that…I’d rather look at a digital clock.
• I think my IQ’s a little below average. Probably around 200 or so.
• My worst subject in school was history. The last 5 presidents were Bush, Clinton, Nixon, Theodore (oh that was Roosevelt), and then it was…Higley. Yeah. Those were the last five presidents.
• It’s not that I am not smart. I just don’t know stuff.
• I get my looks from my mom who’s from Egypt, which is in South Africa.
• Just because I’m beautiful doesn’t mean I’m more than just a pretty face.  – TOUCHE!

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Chindogu

Chindogu is the Japanese for ”weird tool” or loosely, the idea of a useless art.

There are apparently rules for what can or cannot be considered chindogu.

1. A chindogu cannot be for real use.
2. A chindogu must exist.
3. Inherent in every chindogu is the spirit of anarchy.
4. Chondogu are tools for everyday use. 
5. Chindogu are not for sale.
6. Humor must not be the sole reason for creating chindogu.
7. Chindogu are not propaganda.
8. Chindogu are never taboo.
9. Chindogu cannot be patented.
10. Chindogu are without prejudice.

 Because it’s still cold and flu season, we find this could be useful.

Some people I know wouldn’t mind looking foolish for the sake of convenience. I personally don’t mind the extra step of pulling tissues or a hanky out and exerting the extra energy of bringing it all the way to my nose. I can handle that amount of work.

Usually.

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Wow, Advertising Wednesday

 They say a picture is worth a thousand words. 

The first 2 sentences of the copy read:

Though she was a tiger lady, our hero didn’t have to fire a shot to floor her.  After one look at his Mr. Leggs slacks, she was ready to have him walk all over her.

It starts off sexist and then… goes on to tell you the percentage of dacron to polyester!

It is a good way to sell pants.

We’ve learned that with these slacks, you will dominate your woman.

Women are servile in general. You just have to know how to handle them. If you need tips, then you can learn how to control them by wearing these pants.

And, if it takes a pair of pants..well, then, get those pants, ‘ya wussy. 

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Tennis Lookalikes.

In America, there isn’t the biggest tennis following in the world but, we like it. So, for any other tennis fans or tennis lovers we have a little gift to tide you over until the French Open.

This vindicates anyone who might have ever made the Roger Federer/Quentin Tarentino comparison. We know you’re out there (and it still does nothing to diminish our love for him).

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents #8 Martin Van Buren

Martin Van Buren (1837-1841)

• Old Kinderhook (from Kinderhook, NY)
• Little Magician
• Machiavellian Belshazzar
• Martin Van Ruin (in office during the economic crisis 0f 1837)
• Petticoat Pet (after his fancy dress)
• The American Tallyrand (comparison to the devious Frenchman) 

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Lost: Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss.

We all know now that “Meet Kevin Johnson” refers to Micheal. So, let’s review – Micheal was ready to kill 2 strangers (Ana Lucia and Libby) to rescue the man (Ben) he had to, to save his son (Walt).

PLOT:

(Yay, Miles doesn’t have a grenade in his mouth anymore) Locke brings Miles in for a little tete a tete (or tete a lotsa people, whatever). Ben confesses Micheal is Ben’s spy on the boat.

Captain Gault is having a bit of a hard time regulating his staff. Sayid confronts Micheal about why he’s on the boat. He’s here to quote unquote: Die. DuntDuntDuntDunnnn…. 

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Happy First Day of Spring.

Or, if you’re like me, clicking on Google today made you wonder, “Is it national Pin Cushion Day?”

Ohhhhh.

Those are tulips. It’s March 2o. The vernal equinox. Spring is trying to spring.

Got it.

What happened on this day in history? Any famous people born on March 20?

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Fiction Tourney. Who Ya Got?

Not psyched for the NCAA Tourney? You can always make your picks for TMN’s literary Tournament of Books. Same bracketology; different genre. I’m hoping for a smackdown in the final between, “And Then We Came to The End” over “On Chesil Beach.”

Admit it, you’re gonna put some money down on “Tree of Smoke” to take it all, but everyone’s saying that’s a shoo-in to win. Take a risk, man. Who’s your Cinderella Story this year?

Let’s dance.

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Lost in Translation

Brilliant idea. It’s like having people act out your old VCR instruction manual.

As is says in it’s intro, these people perform a short piece that was written in English, translated (with babelfish – the online translation software) into French, then translated into German, then back into French and finally back into English.

The results are predictably horrible but they are kind enough to subtitle it with the original English. I promise there’s hardly any resemblance whatsoever!

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Goodbye, Arthur

Arthur C. Clarke died on March 18 – a visionary of the space age. He may be most remembered for ’2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY’ which was developed from a 1951 (?) story “The Sentinel”. Kudos to anyone who knows what “The Sentinel” was about.

He also said:

Behind every man now alive stand thirty ghosts, for that is the ratio by which the dead outnumber the living. Since the dawn of time, roughly a hundred billion human beings have walked the planet Earth. –Now this is an interesting number, for by a curious coincidence there are approximately a hundred billion stars in our local universe, the Milky Way. So for every man who has ever lived, in this universe, there shines a star.”

- (from Clarke’s foreword in 2001, A Space Odyssey, 1968)

He was a scientist whose work with satellites led to the coining of the term a “Clarke orbit.” He foresaw the use of communications satellites – without which we wouldn’t have GPS or TV…. He was a visionary award-winning science fiction author who influenced several generations of writers and became an icon of the SF subculture. He was a prolific writer of more than 100 books, several of which, “Childhood’s End” and “Rendezvous with Rama” were startling reading. Resquiescat Intra Astra (and a free trip to the Quicky Mart to anyone who translates that).

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Wow, Advertising Wednesday.

This week we’re focusing on a contemporary advertisement. Because ads don’t have to be old to be odd. You can be both kooky and creepy. 

This week the question we put to you is:

How would you sell a pair of sunglasses?

D’ya have some ideas?

• Are you going the Ralph Lauren way with maybe a handsome family, dressed conservatively, standing on a windswept beach in the Hamptons in the winter?
• Maybe a lovely, oiled up bronze glamazon on the beaches of St. Tropez?
• Maybe a retro ad with an iconic image of Steve McQueen for Persol or Bob Dylan for Ray Ban wayfarers?

Click to see what Diesel thought would sell sunglasses…

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Ambition is…(SXSW Roundup)

All hail Paul Ford! – He did the impossible. He did the unthinkable. He did the why-would-anyone bother?

He downloaded the entire SXSW torrent file which contains more than 48 continuous hours of music, representing 763 different bands (which is less than half the bands that played).  Are you beginning to comprehend how ridiculously large the scale of South by Southwest is???

And he listened to each song in its entirety. And he reviewed each band. Succinctly. In 6 words or less.

He also provides a link where you can download their songs. Check it out. Comprehensive and kinda handy, huh?

Also, for those who care, The Raconteurs release their second full albun next Tuesday.

And NPR had some really good coverage of SXSW as well. Archives of concerts (some videos), including REM, Yo La Tengo, AA Bondy, Bon Iver and more. And really good blog coverage too.

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Tips for Husbands

This 1913 book was reprinted in the UK last fall, simply titled “Don’ts for Husbands”

 

A nice and tidy rule book to help your wife life run a little more smoothly.

Some highlights include:

Don’t ‘talk down’ to your wife. She has as much intelligence as your colleagues at the office; she lacks only opportunity. Talk to her of anything you would of a man and you would be surprised how she expands. – You keep yammering on, and she keeps reaching for more cookies by the handful. Oh my, how she expands!

Don’t say your wife wastes time in reading, even if she only reads fiction.- Don’t even pretend your wife can read. You really shouldn’t patronize women. It is an ugly character trait.

Don’t sharpen pencils all over the house. It does not improve either the carpets or the servants’ tempers to find pencil sharpenings all over the house. – Seriously. The servants will  revolt. Take my word for it. Enough with the sharpening of all those bloody pencils already. Your house is not the cage of a guinea pig.

Don’t try and regulate every aspect of your wife’s life. Even a wife is an individual and must be allowed some scope.- This one is a head-scratcher. Who is the boss again? The husband! Why do we choose to persist with a charade?

Don’t keep all your jokes for your male friends. Let your wife share them.- Don’t let your wife share your jokes; she’ll butcher them! “And then , the man says…Oh wait, I forgot the punchline again.” Dagnabbit.

Don’t try and “drive” your wife. You will find it much easier to “lead” her. – Wives are much like horses. Also, teach her to how to properly chew her cud. And don’t forget to air out her blankets when they become drenched in sweat as it improves her disposition greatly.

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Man I Don’t Know My Presidents #7 Andrew Jackson

Andrew Jackson (1829-1837)

• Old Hickory (During Creek War nothing would keep him from battle, causing his troops to compare him to the hardest of woods)
• King Andy (Far reaching programs seemed to some as excessive use of power)
• Hero of New Orleans (Victory over the British in January 1815)
• Caped Crusader (only President to wear a cape in his Presidential Photograph)
• Action Jackson (this one is a lie but, we wish people called him that)

 BADASS MOMENT #1- In 1806, Jackson met Charles Dickinson in a duel over some remarks Dickinson made about Jackson’s wife. Dickinson got in the first shot, a direct hit square in the chest, two inches from Jackson’s heart. Jackson didn’t even fall down. But returned fire, killing Dickinson and walked away. The bullet was too close to his heart to be removed so it remained lodged in his chest for the rest of his life.

BADASS MOMENT #2 - On January 30 1835, Richard Lawrence fired two pistols at Jackson at point blank range. Both of them failed to fire (Odds 1:125,000). Jackson chased after Lawrence and beat him with his cane. 

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Ides Of March: Beware the Ides of St. Patrick?

Didn’t we all grow up with a solid background in classical languages and literature? I think that’s a safe assumption. We all had to translate the Iliad and the Odyssey, we all read every major work of Shakespeare (and some of his piddling sonnets), we all played “Simona Dicit” every Wednesday and what do we have to show for it?

Ummmm…..

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Lost Season 4 Episode 7. Ji Yeon – Review and Thoughts

I’ve got to start off by saying that this was not my favorite episode of the season. (I have been spoiled by a frenetic pace of non-stop knowledge bombs). 

PLOT REVIEW:

So Lapidus was not the one who left the door open for Sayid and Desmond. They also are warned that they shouldn’t want to meet the captain of the Freighter.

Jin and Sun have decided to go to Locke’s camp. This seems to raise the ire of Juliet, so she proceeds to tell Jin that Sun had an affair.

Ooooh, so Sun and Jin are the final pair of the Oceanic Six. Good news. Bad news, there seems to be some complications with Sun’s pregnancy after all.

Jin and Bernard take some time for some male bonding, catch a few fish and hypothesize over the existential meaning of life and karmic retribution.

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Don’t Hassle The Hoff

I know that David Hasseloff’s big in Germany. And I know that this video’s old. But sometimes we need to re-visit the past (so that we’re not doomed to repeat it). 

This gives America a bad name (a worse name?)

And who knew that “Hooked On a Feeling” could sound worse? (I am now humbled at the feet of BJ Thomas). Has the Hoff patented that “stare?” Does he think his eyes are mesmeric? Yikes!

Do you like him in front of a green screen? He’s seriously phoning this one in! Why does he change clothes? We all know he’s in a studio.  He wantsus to know it. C’mon, watch 45 seconds of it. Who is he fooling? I’ve seen better educational videos. He doesn’t even bother to pretend to fly. Or sing. Or dance.

Ugh.

Seriously?

It’s better if there is no sound. 

Was this a hit? Somewhere? Anywhere?

I have to be fair. But this is a joke, right?

C’mon…

Then there’s the end-ish bit (at about 2:20), are you hoping the second David Hasselhoff strangles the first one? I was rooting for a kill shot. And I was disappointed. Sheeesh.

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Wow Ad Wednesday – Love’s Baby Soft

This one disturbs me.

I understand that times have changed. I understand that Coca-Cola used to indeed have cocaine in it, that there were headache remedies with heroin, that opium-based laudanum was formerly medically recommended.

And we can (or we choose to) have a little bit of fun with that. But there are somethings that I can’t wrap my pretty little brain around. And this is one of them.

There is no getting around the fact that I literally cannot believe that someone signed off on the ad copy or the pic. No, someone came up with the idea and some other group of people agreed via committee that this was a go.

But, seriously folks, if you were not a fan of the cinematic tour de force that was Brooke Shields in “Pretty Baby,” don’t click further.

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I’m Not On the Space Station, but

 ”Good news guys! You’re the first to get music on the international space station. Bad news is, we’re piping it in and you have no way of turning it off or turning the volume down. It’s more a psychological expirement. Enjoy!”

 

A local Norwegian won a contest to make a mix tape for space. Sounds fun, right? So what are the first songs to be heard in space?

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Project Ludwig Snare Drum – FINAL UPDATE

 

The project is complete, and I couldn’t be happier.  Here’s how it went down…

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Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue

Whoa.

So, technically it’s been around for years. In the nineteenth century eyeball tattooing was used as a cosmetic correction in some cases of blindness. But this just doesn’t seem right.

Criminy! I am all for rugged individualism, but whatever happened to trekking the Appalachian Trail? Sitting on Walden Pond? Exploring the wilds of Alaska?

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents Monday #6 John Quincy Adams

John Quincy Adams (1825-1829)

• Old Man Eloquent
• Publicola
• King John II

Judging by this picture I think he also found a lot of work as a character actor, always relegated to playing the crotchety miser. The archetypal Man-In-The-Spooky-House (“My ball went in old man Adams’ yard so there’s no way we’re getting that one back).

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Reviews and Thoughts: Lost Season 4 Episode 6, The Other Woman

SYNOPSIS:

Juliet is in her first meeting with Harper Stanhope, the island shrink, in her first week on the island. Complains of feeling isolated.

 

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Haiku Review: Blur Vs. Oasis

Blur or Oasis?

Not a zero sum game, right?

Blur and Oasis

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Kitten Come In?

You know, we started calling her PatrolKitty and that got shortened to PK and that morphed into Peekers. Which turned out to be very prescient as she spends a lot of time peeking into our windows and doors, wanting t o be allowed entry. 

So, this is a daily occurrence.

Can you relate?

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