Before we get into our list, we provide this UTube Clip for a trailer for “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” only edited to resemble Brokeback Mountain. Sometimes, when taking a break from all the porn, I realize that the interent is a great place for all the lonely, bored and idle hands of the world. Thanks internet nerds! This two and a half minute clip may be funnier than the entire 90 minute movie…You be the judge.
Now onto our list… (in no particular order)
A Christmas Story. It’s probably on everyone’s list by now and the fact of the matter is that no one really has to watch it anymore. Back when the powers that be retired “It’s a Wonderful Life” only to let it out of it’s cage once a year, they needed something to replay ad infinitum in its stead. They chose A Christmas Story. And they ran that into the ground. Don’t let that sully its reputation. Still, a classic. Recommended for: Todays kids who’s parents would never ever allow them to have a Red Rider B-B Gun, even if they knew what a B-B gun was (or where ever allowed to play out of doors unattended.)
The Ref. One that flew under the radar a bit. But any movie that makes your own family’s dysfunction pale by comparison (or at least remind you that it’s okay to laugh at that dysfunction) redeems itself in my eyes. Recommended for: Everyone in my family.
And because you can’t have a Christmas movie list without a Rankin Bass addition (And I do love the elf who wants to be a dentist but some have gotten a little stale for me over the years) so I’ll add The Life and Adventures of Santa Claus. If you read the synopsis on IMDB it starts out “The Great Ak calls the Council of the Immortals to ask that Santa Claus be given immortality…” If that tempts you in the slightest, you’ll be rewarded in full. You’ll learn how an abandoned baby was given to a lioness and a fairy to raise and there is a great battle among the immortals. It’s got everything you need in your (more overtly pagan based) Christmas programming. Recommended for: That kid of yours who’s into Isaac Asimov and Hitchikers Guide.
A Muppet Christmas Carol. Sure there are hundreds of versions of this Dickens tale but I’ll take the one that combines a musical with muppets and Michael Caine. ‘Nuff Said. Recommended for: Everybody on the planet Earth. Whaddya got no spirit?
Auntie Mame. – You’ve never watched it, I know. And there’s only one Christmas scene in the darn thing. So why is it on my list? Because it’s my damned list! And it seemingly came on every Thanksgiving Day when I was trying to get out of cleaning up after the turkey meal and it was my pleasant diversion. Awww. Shut it. Get your own list. (After you see this classic starring the incomparable Rosalind Russell). Recommended for: Your tween niece who’s a little too precocious or your nephew who’s into musical theater.
Jack Frost (no, not the one with Michael Keaton! – that’s sacrilidge) This is the one where Jack Frost is a pun-spewing serial killer snowman. Horrible, horrible piece of garbage? Maybe. Goofy and cheesy? Definitely. The snowman asks for a smoke, gets one, kills that same man with an axe and then has to quip, “I only axed you for a smoke.” I will not spoil a snowman filled sex scene for you. You would not ask me to do that. Recommended for: That special person in your life with a black hear and sense of humor to match.
Scrooged. You got Bill Murray. And you get Bill Murray with a ton of hair. I guess I forgot he really had that much hair. It’s a Christmas miracle! This feel-good modern telling the of the Dicken’s classic is fun and chock-full of holiday warmth. The comment about the special effect department when he’s confronted by the Grim Reaper on the elevator is a classic. Recommended for: Anyone who thinks they discovered this great actor named Bill Murray in ‘Lost In Translation’.
Honorable Mentions: Elf -Because who can resist Zooey Deschanel crooning? And, what, Will Ferrell acting like an Adult-Child? That’s all he does. Ever.
Got any other suggestions?
Also: Black Crhistmas. An R rated scary movie I’ve been trying to get S to see for years. Scary, but not as cheesy as Jack Frost.
No ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’? Come on! That scamp Charlie Brown buys the saddest tree of all time and he and gang learn the true meaning of Christmas. Give Peanuts some props.
And for those of you that have not seen It’s a Wonderful Life all the way through, just do it. It’s good. It’s old. It’s got drunk driving. Do it.
And I thought no one else had seen Jack Frost. I love that one – but let’s not even talk about Jack Frost 2 – that just wasn’t good at all.
What about the original Miracle on 34th Street? Its not really Christmas until I watch that.