MSU Wins in 28-22 Happy Valley, Goes 11-1 and Big Ten Champs.

And just like that, the season is over. What a season it was!

• 11 wins, the most ever for MSU
• A Big Ten Championship, the first since 1990
• #8 BCS / #7 AP and USA Today ranking after the regular season
• Beat Michigan for the third year running which MSU hasn’t done since ’65-’66-’67
• Beat Penn State in Happy Valley for the first time since ’65
• Beat Notre Dame on an amazing OT fake field goal
• Beat Wisconsin handily, their only loss on the year
• Became a team that finishes strong with big come-from-behind wins against Northwestern and Purdue

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Let’s Be More Inclusive, Everybody

It’s not just for dog-lovers anymore.

Or ferrets.

Or ducks.

Yes. Now you can walk your goldfish!

Hopefully there will not be an uptick in goldfish parks.

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A Mash-Up

I hate mash ups.

This is the only one I feel like adding. It’s Radiohead, okay….and  DAVE BRUBECK !

Cool Enough.

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Caption This #26

“Alright, Everybody turn around if you’re  not gay.”

They got more people than Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy would have predicted with this simple trick.

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My Puppy Is Amaza-Crazy!

I just realized that my dog is an awesome impressionist. Like Rich Little in his prime, circa 1988, still doing a bang-up aping of Nixon.

Right now Dog Dash can do like 2 different slamdunk, knock it out of the park impressions.

1.  He can contort his body in such a way that he looks exactly  like a dead puppy. And…

2.  He does an outstanding Marlon Brando (from the Godfather) impression when he puts an ice cube in his mouth sideways .

And, I almost forgot, #3. - Dash can turn in a very solid Drowned Rat after his bath.

PS – He also does a great Nicholson and Christopher Walken – but I mean, c’mon…everybody can do those. They don’t even count.

Check back later, we’re trying to teach him an Edward G. Robinson. We’ll see how he takes to it.

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents Monday #29 Warren G. Harding

Warren G. Harding

(March 1921 – August 1923)

First Off: A Prize to Anyone who knows what the G stands for without looking it up!!!

• Wobbly Warren
• Prsident Hardly
• Ran on the Slogan: A Return to Normalcy (A word Harding made up for his campaign – which obvs. peeved HL Mencken (see quote below)).
• His mother called him ‘Winnie’ (Gotta Admit: Not too butch)

 

THE TRIVIAL:

• Generally and consistently ranked by scholars as one of the worst presidents of all time.
• Harding played poker at least twice a week, once gambling away a set of presidential china dating back to Benjamin Harrison. His cabinet was often referred to as the Poker Cabinet because they all played poker together.
• Many incorrectly claim that Harding coined the term ‘bloviating’ but it was recorded in print prior to Harding’s birth.
• Both of Harding’s parents were doctors.
• First President to have a golf course named after him.
• First newspaper publisher to be elected president.
• First President to travel to Canada (He stopped over on the way to Alaska. Also; He was the first president to visit Alaska).
• Warren G  has the distinction of having the largest feet of any president with a size 14.
• And PS – the G stands for Gamaliel.

And finally, we leave you with a quote from H. L. Mencken:

He writes the worst English that I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself out of the dark abysm of pish, and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash

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Check It.

The most awesome collection of pictures of food that may turn you off your lunch at the aptly named This Is Why You’re Fat (.com).

Ladies and Gentlemen…Please Allow me to Introduce to you…

THE HAMDOG!

That’s Right – - A hotdog, snugly nestled inside a hamburger that is then lovingly deep-fried and then generously topped with chili, chese, onions and a couple of servings of fries. All of this is served up in a giant hoagie roll and at last, a fried egg is added to round out the meal.

(Courtesy Mulligans Bar, Decatur GA.)

 

Most are seriously disgusting but there were a few that made me think, ‘I’d try that if it were within arms’ length.’ Like the doughnut with fresh crumbled bacon or the deep fried coca-cola (make it a Diet and I’m prolly the newest convert).

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Ya Bacon Me Craaazy!

We’ve visited to topic of  ’Bacon: Is There Ever Too Much‘ before but now I believe we can safely agree that yes, there quite possibly could be a way to put one toe over the line.

Case in Point: The Bacon Explosion.

Yeah, so? It looks relatively harmless and delicious. Tell Me more.

Sure. No problem.

It’s simple really; you weave 2 pounds of bacon together. Layer in a pound of sausage and another pound of bacon in the center. Roll and grill.*

Et viola.

PS. If you feel a need to try this, then you may be one of the few that truly has earned this:

*Just a tip. – You might want to call the EMT before you light the grill.  You’ll thank me later.

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Stop Motion Goodies

I know some people out there who dig the stop motion. And this vid is a cute reminder of how creative you can be on the cheap.

I can hear some of you starting to grow your own mustaches right now.

Viva la revalution!

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents Monday #28 Woodrow Wilson

NickNames

• The Schoolmaster in Politics
• The Professor
• The Phrasemaker
• Coiner of Weasal Words

 

Trivia

• Wilson didn’t learn his letters until he was 9, didn’t learn to read until he was 13. So, Good News, Illiterate tweens! You too can grow up to be president of Princeton and the good ole US of A. But…you  probably won’t.
• Though they never met, Sigmund Freud wrote a treatise on Wilson that claimed he likened himself to Jesus Christ.
• Wilson was married when he was in office to Edith Bolling Galt Wilson. Is it just me or do her middle and maiden names sound like they should be hyphenated and used as a nickname like “Machine Gun” Kelly?
• An avid golfer, Wilson used a black ball when he played in the snow.
• Woody Guthrie is named after him (Woodrow Wilson Guthrie).
• Election results were broadcast for the first time by WWJ in Detroit, MI. (What, did they not have hologram results with Wolf Blitzer back then?)
• After suffering a massive stroke that left him partially paralyzed and nearly blind, his wife ran a “Petticoat Government” She was also referred to as the Iron Queen, the Presidentress and the Regent. Generally considered the most powerful First Lady there ever was.
• Woodrow Wilson had a pet sheep named “Old Ike” that would chew tobacco and graze on the South Lawn.
• Second president to address Congress (the first was Washington).
• His vice president Marshall was the one to utter the famous bon mot, “What this country needs is a good five cent cigar.” Here-Here.

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Separated At Birth

Which tv newsman seems a little too genetically linked to a tv pitchman?

Are they related? One and the same?

Only his hairdresser knows for sure.

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Notes To Puppy #1

Sometimes when I’m rubbing puppy’s belly, I like to coo in her ears and tell her that she’s the cutest pup in the whole land.
But I also use that opportunity to remind her that she should really develop some extra tricks and/or skills because pretty soon, she’s gonna grow up and she won’t be as cute anymore.

People will no longer clamor over her at the Target. Walking down the street will no longer cause cars to slow down and make every other human stop to give her the undiluted adulation. She will have to prostitute herself on the street. Perform a few tricks just to get some of the attention she had once taken for granted.

It’s a tough world out there (some would say ‘Dog eat dog’). And you can’t get by on your looks forever.

The glory days of youth are fleeting.

The world is cruel to the aged.

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Is Food Network Trying to Kill This Guy

OK.

Guy Fieddy (if it is spelled any other way, it is unforgivable making people pronounce it as such).

When I can’t sleep I find his ‘Diners, Drive-ins and Dives’ is on incessantly when most mere mortals are asleep and therefore safe from his tour of bacon grease, beef fat and lard. 

I have no problem with the show.  I love all three of the above (particularly the bacon grease). I simply stand in awe of that man’s constitution.

But mostly I notice he is always attended by a bottle of Pelegrino (the Italian water “mit gas”).  I’m beginning to wonder if there are some secretive healing properties to this water that I was hitherto unaware.

So…

Does Pelegrino negate the constriction of blood vesels and thin the layer of fat that would otherwise build up after consuming three meals a day of deep-fried sausage-filled taquito bombs with chees sauce (wrapped in bacon optional)?

Lemme know. 

I may need the healing powers soon.

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Caption This

What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with these people?

These kids don’t seem to be remotely excited by the fact that they have R2D2 at their muthafriggin shindig!

Better yet: R2D2 is sporting a tux. He’s like the James Bond of droids, people. Can’t you muster anything? The rest of your life is only gonna be downhill from here kids.

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents #27 William Howard Taft

William Howard Taft

1909-1913

Nicked Names

• Old Bill
• Big Lub
• FattyFatty 2×4 Can’t Fit Thru The Bathroom Door
• The 27th President, 10th Chief Justice of US Supreme Court, 1st Provisional Governor of Cuba, 42nd US Secretary of War, 1st Civil Governor of the Philippines, 5th US Solicitor General, 1st in line at a buffet

Taft is really the president that ought to be known as the Trustbuster. He busted over 80, beating that so-called buster (Teddy ‘Not as Busted’ Roosevelt) by about 40. Taft just didn’t happen to rail against business in his rhetoric. That’s right Taft is twice the buster TR ever was, suckas!

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Zen Koan

If you set a movie in South Boston, can it be made if there are no characters named either ‘Paulie,’ ‘Jimmy’ or ‘Doyle’?

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Your Mental Health Break

Take a minute to watch someone else’s smooth moves. Then teach everyone at your office how to do the Backwards Swim. We hear it was all the  rage.

This is one first class top drawer music videography.

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How was Your Holiday?

• Washington Wizards coach Eddie Jordan got word that he was fired at 7:30am Thanksgiving morning outside the arena as he and his wife were handing out turkeys as part of an outreach program. Do you think someone just came over to him and said, “You know what Eddie? I think you might just be in the wrong line. Get on the other side of the table with the other unemployed people.”
• A part time worker at Wal-Mart got trampled to death under the throngs of Black Friday shoppers. What has happened to us as a society when no one notices a man dying in their frenzied rush to get $19 off a crock pot? Even a free XBOX does not warrant overlooking a man’s death.
• CBS got the privilege of airing the match-up everybody was clamoring to see…10-1 Tennessee took on the unblemished 0-11 Detroit Lions. In case you missed it, I won’t tell you who won. The highlights lowlights are surely worth it.
• Two customers shot each other in a California Toys ‘R Us. Police say it had nothing to do with toys. They both thought they heard Tickle Me Elmo say some stuff about them. And then he got handsy. And then he just laughed and laughed and laughed at them.
• And on the bright side, ROSIE! LIVE! is no more. No future variety shows to make sure you miss. Although Dustin Diamond, Charo, Gallagher, Richard Simmons, and Carnie Wilson have to face the sad fact that one of their few opportunities to get back on tv are gone.

No matter who you spent the holiday with, at least you got an extra long weekend. Maybe that just meant two more days of travel or two more days with Uncle Walter or two more days of godforsaken turkey leftovers (that bird does not get more juicy the longer it sits in the fridge!) However you spent it, I hope it was wonderful!

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Now, Cure Cancer!

Today, Tacos. Tomorrow, The World.

You no longer have to load your bountiful taco shells lying down on their sides. They will now stand up to your gluttonous, spiced meat concoction.

But this doesn’t speak to my needs. I will only be satisfied when Old El Paso makes a shell with a reinforced bottom because I am tired of taking one bite and having the whole thing blow-out. If I wanted sour cream and grease on my shirt, I would gently daub it on there myself, thank you very much.

Give me the Stand ‘n Stuff Double Bottome Shell.

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Happy T-Giving!

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The Classics – byRollerblade.

Apparently I am not creative enough with how I use my free time.

Here’s 40 seconds of Mozart’s Symphony No. 40

I could live a few more lifetimes and not have that thought cross my mind.

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Excuse me, Is That Your Son?

We all remember The Harlem Globetrotters, right?

And, of course the most famous, with a 30 year stint (and favorite son of North Carolina) was the aptly named, Curly Neal.

 It seems Curly fathered a son years ago that hasn’t gotten the attention it deserves: One of the stars of NBC’s “Las Vegas” ( – though he changed his name to an all-too-obvious stage name), James Lesure.

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You Caption It #7

 

“Why is Nona taking the picture? She’s the one who is seasick.”

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It feels like a Shpadoinkle Day, no?

But, seriously, I saw reporters filing their stories from outer space last night. I mean that has to be the reason they were hologrammed into the CNN studio. That, or just huge fear Wolf Blitzer’s beard? Holograms?!? We are now using holograms for no apparent reason? Hmmmm…

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What Are You Doing History Channel?

What is with all these programs on yeti and chupacabra and aliens and UFOs?

I think I liked you better when you were just WWII and Nazis and Hitler. Maybe.

I’ll even take the “History’s Mysteries: The Wheel” or “Amazing Discoveries:Water” Just make sure you keep getting Edward Herrmann to narrate everything.

Thank you.

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Ahh, The Tears.

Now, with none of those pesky little Fears.

Happy Day.

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Man, I Don’t Know My Presidents #26 Theodore Roosevelt

 Theodore Roosevelt

 

• Theodore the Meddler
• Trustbuster
• TR or Teddy
• The Cyclone Assemblyman
• Rough Rider and Hero of San Juan Hill
• Old Four Eyes
• The Lion

(Walk softly and stand near a big globe).

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You Caption It – Clown Edition

Guaranteed that Grampa is on the balcony with an arsenal of water balloons.  Bastard ruins everything with his WWII flashbacks.

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Fringe Season 1 Episode 4, “The Arrival”

  

Let’s start off with what was good;  I didn’t feel there were as many clichés in this episode as there have been.  The other good thing – no trip to Massive Dynamic this week.  Also, we still have the cow.  And, I’m really starting to like the cow.

 

Unfortunately, I’m still not entirely sure what this episode was really about. The A-plot was less a cliché, and more a movie trick: The MacGuffin.  Typically, the MacGuffin is used to move the plot forward, but in this instance, it was used to move the entire A-plot, which really is a sign of lazy writing. [Ed. Note: A MacGuffin is "a plot device which uses an ambiguous object to motivate the pricinple characters".  Think: golden glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction].

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Who Won The Debate?

McCain won by virtue of showing up and not imploding. Although it was his to lose because Foreign Affairs was, by all accounts, his area of expertise.

Obama won simply by showing himself to ” appear Presidential”

But the general consensus, by everyone not employed/deployed to a spin room was that no one was the clear victor.

Which is to say, I suppose, that neither of them won over any of the illusive Independent voters. “Winning” seems to be reduced to whichever candidate had the most quotable soundbite (because, of course, all I want from my candidate is terse pith).

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