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Archive for September, 2008

McCain won by virtue of showing up and not imploding. Although it was his to lose because Foreign Affairs was, by all accounts, his area of expertise.

Obama won simply by showing himself to ” appear Presidential”

But the general consensus, by everyone not employed/deployed to a spin room was that no one was the clear victor.

Which is to say, I suppose, that neither of them won over any of the illusive Independent voters. “Winning” seems to be reduced to whichever candidate had the most quotable soundbite (because, of course, all I want from my candidate is terse pith).

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I cannot stand this ‘Henny-Penny/Chicken-Little’ Attitude with the media lately.

The sky is not falling and the world is not going to hell in a handbasket.

But we are lead to believe it day in and day out.

Case(s) In Point:

  • For 18 months we have heard that we are in a recession. All Economic indicators have proven that the economy has actually gained traction and has not even been flat-lining in the last 12 month. We have gained ground. We have earned money. We are not technically in a recession. Yes, you may feel a pinch, gas has gone up and groceries have gone up. But our national economy and all of us who pay money into it have not lost money.
  • Foreclosures are Up.Totally true. But according to the news media, everyone is losing their home. Absolutely not true. In the last 5 fiscal quarters, sub-prime mortgages going into foreclosure have increased 3 percent. All other mortgage foreclosure rates have increased one half a percentage point.
  • Lehman Brothers, a blue chip, stalwart organization has gone to ruin. Lehman Brothers was bought out years ago, 2 guys left to become billionaires, another got the name after AmEx sold it to him. It is a 14 year company with a 158 year old name.

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BREAKING NEWS: One of the Vice Presidential candidates will recuse him/herself this week!

I have it on good authority that early this week there will be a shake-up in the vice presidential race. It is the October Surprise that we’ve all come to expect.

 Following Palin’s tragic interview with Katie Couric and the McCain camp refusing to allow her to show up (or spin) at the Presidential debate last Friday, and Sen. Joe Biden’s gaffes of insisting FDR was not only president during the stock market crash of 1929 but, that he also appeared on television to reassure Americans; Americans are demanding a different Vice Presidential candidate. 

One of the candidates will  back out. We have reliable information on who will be replaced and who that replacement will be.

Click to Find Out.

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Although this episode was called “Ghost Network”, the episode was hardly about that – and sadly, had no ghosts.

  The Ghost Network is a network that is on a different frequency than what is used for phones and radio transmissions, but if it could be tapped into, it would give someone a secret network that would allow them to communicate without anyone else knowing or hearing.  Except for the unlucky psychic.  

 But since we have to use either a cliché or an old idea, let us begin with laying out the ones we will use in tonight’s episode:  

 First, we have the premise that a psychic doesn’t know that he is a psychic, but is seeing visions of horrible things that are happening.  (Ugh, we’ve never seen that plot before?)  So, how did he get this strange power?  Well, once upon a time, Our Favorite Mad Scientist injects a strange metal potion to see if it would give him psychic powers, Lo and behold, he did not turn out to be a fire starter, but did get the psychic powers 20 years later.  Which he then uses to listen in on the phone conversations of Latin speaking bad guys (possibly from a drug cartel, who also know about the pattern) as they plot their nefarious deeds.  And then our intrepid FBI agent manages to stop them (but not before one of them commits suicide, so there is no possibility of getting answers from him).  And then we send our psychic home, where hopefully he will never be troubled by ghost network phone calls again.

I have to admit, part of the show was new.  I hadn’t really seen the “people trapped in an amber like substance” bit before.  And I did enjoy that.  Sure it seems like overkill for the bad guys to do that just to get a mysterious glass disk from someone (that is a lot of dead bodies).   And also, I’m always happy to see Latin getting props on TV (in a non-exorcism, or witchy setting).  So it wasn’t all recycled, which is good.  Overall, it wasn’t a bad episode, but I’m still not sure its going to be a great show.

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You Caption It! #11

Playing another round of ‘Blindfolded Tomahawk Throw’

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When I first looked at it, I thought the message was something along the lines as “smooth as a baby”

But then I read the line, ‘Begin Early. Shave Yourself.’ So maybe, it’s so safe, a baby can use it. Or ‘If you start shaving young maybe you can get a five o’clock shadow going before you’re 7’?

Doc Ad, what’s the deal with this ad???

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Also known as the Ultimate Celebration of the Banal! YYYYEEAAAAAAAAHHHH.

The 5 Hosts (aka The 5 guys relegated to hosting reality show programs because they have no discernible talents of their own) are out to open the show and get this…they’ve got nothing. It’s not a bit. They really are such blow-hards that they couldn’t agree for a direction for the opening of the show. HaHaHa. B-holes.

Oooh. Talk about B-holes. Piven wins for Best Supporting Actor-Comedy. Listen to me children, A good heairpiece will inevitably make all the difference in your career. Even if it’s in the janitorial services industry. It is ALWAYS about the hair.

They re-created the Seinfeld diner. It looks nothing like the Seinfeld diner. Thanks TV production magic! And Best Supporting Actress Comedy goes to Jean Smart (who apprarently has like 17 of the babies already, for her amazing ability to play women of a certain age with Southern accents – Did you know she’s really from Minnesota? And she’s 19? And she’s a size 00? That’s ACT-ing).

Conan presents and “was gonna do some more material but Katherine Heigl said it wasn’t Emmy-worthy” Take that, You Ungrateful So-and-So!

Daily Show wins Best Comedy, Musical or Variety just after The Colbert Report wins for the writing in that same category so everybody’s happy.

Josh Groban sings a few measures of a bunch of television theme songs, including the rapping of Fresh Prince of BelAir’s intro. Quelle Suprise, Not Bad.

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William McKinley

Served 1897-1901

  • The Napolean of Protection (For his love of tariffs)
  • The Major (referring to his rank in the Civil War; used by intimates and family, not publically)
  • The Idol of Ohio
  • The Stocking-footed Orator (Cute!)

 

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GO GREEN!  GO WHITE!  Repeat.

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You Caption It…

“No need to put your arm out Katie, your outfit will repel all the men on its own.”

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Are you watching? Do you like? Is the writing awful enough for you?

See the Premiere Review here.

This second episode (“Magic Old Man Baby”) opened with one of the creepiest scenes I can remember ever being on television. This eppy deals with people rapidly aging so fast that within hours of their birth, they died from natural causes. And an old experiment allowing scientists to grow an army (Whooo!)

JJ Abrrams seems to have employed the same composer as he does on “Lost” which is either pitch perfect or irritatingly over the top.

The first episode gave moments of absolute hackneyed and well-worn situations. (We all know that the minute someone says, ‘I was afraid to tell you but, I’ve never felt like this’, one of that pair is not going to be alive in five minutes).

It has some odd things working against it but it ends up being fun, engaging and entertaining tosh. The acting here is better than Lost, if we comparing the two shows. Joshua Jackson has grown up from his role of Pacey and delivers his misanthropic charm with ease. And I personally like the idea of tackling different areas of the “fringe” sciences and the paranormal.

Again with the numbers, Abrams? The garage code was the first few digits of Pi. (Cute). Walter repeats numbers of the Fibinacci sequence to fall asleep. (But sometimes out of order?)

But who are the 3 people at the end? Are they clones? Penroses’ son? Possible army?

Will definitely give it a few more opportunities. It’s got me right now but if it wants too much of me, I might have to let it go. Or if it refuses to have any major pay-offs anytime soon; I’m out.

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Wow, Ad Wednesday

Seems like a cute ad. (Thank goodness, it doesn’t seem to be dirty or sexual or anything…I was beginning to think Doc Ad had some sort of weird bet). But automobile advertisements, that’s something I can get behind.

If I understand correctly Peugot is advertising their fast reaction time. 

Tell me Doc Ad, is this a good campaign?

Maybe if I saw a series…

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For More on Cleveland see the original post on #22 Grover Cleveland here.

NickNames for Cleveland:

  • Mistake by the Lake
  • Blunder from Down Under
  • The Query from Lake Erie
  • Faux Pas by His Ma and Pa
  • Impropriety from High Society
  • The Black Eye from the Buckeye
  • The Blooper of a trooper
  • Square nut in an oval hole
  • An Error of an Heir

 

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Photo 413. No title, no date

This seems like it needs the simple, obvious and direct caption:

 

“Hello, Ladies.”

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Models Say the Darndest Things. On this week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model:

We check in on a gaggle of “ethnic girls” (as they call themselves) confronting a girl from a small town in Alaska on being racist. Here are her thoughts on the incident…

   “If their whole perogative was to hurt me or to make me cry, well, then, you got me. That’s like gang rape.   That’s like gang violence.”

Hannah, honey, you might be overstating things a wee bit.  – – The best line of the show must go to the girl who got sent packing. She just shrugged and threw her hands up and said with a straight face, “I guess I’ll be an anesthesiologist.” She’s got that little skill to fall back on? Whew. (Either that or a very keen sense of the ironic, acknowledging the world’s view that models don’t know that word, couldn’t spell it, let alone realize it’s a possible occupation).

OPEN LETTER to the writers of Gossip Girl.

Dear Writers:

You can try and write a seduction complete with chocolate covered strawberries but if you set the scene ona Greyhound bus…it pretty much negates the entire idea. Who is gonna grab someone for a little light dalliance in a Greyhound bathroom. That is fundamentaly, perhaps criminally, insane. Sheesh. (Would you like a side of e. coli with your crabcakes?) Please do not try and turn our stomachs with your racy notions.

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I am absolutely befuddled by this advert.

No idea what is being sold me. No idea what the concept is. I plead ignorance.

Am I being bullied? Frightened? Tickled?

Help us, Doc Ad!

 

 

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Benjamin Harrison

In Office: 1889-1893

  • KidGloves Harrison (attributed to the mudslinging or to the fact that he was prone to skin rashes and wore gloves frequently)
  • The White House Iceberg or Human Iceberg (Gave warm speeches to groups but was very cold one-on-one)
  • Young Tippecanoe (Grandson of Ol Tippecanoe)
  • The Front Porch Campaigner (gave more than 90 impromptu speeches from his front porch)
  • Grandfather’s Hat (from Campaign song “Grandfather’s Hat Fits Ben”)
Benjamin Harrison Picture
Benjamin Harrison

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Photo 428. No title, no date

 

“I just felt a warm spot… JACK!”

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I’ve recently discovered an odd scientific phenomenon. The red “pebbles” in Fruity Pebbles (TM) are always the last holdouts in your bowl of milk.

Now that I think about it…there really needs to be some more detailed analysis done on this controversial finding.

Don’t pity me, I do it all in the name of science.

I’m off to do more research.

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Sometimes I get annoyed with the anthropomorphizing of animals…But fruit?

Now you have really gone too far, Advertising World.

I need a shower. For both me and my amazingly sensuous melons.

I feel like someone is trying to put their odd perversions in my head, trying to share their personal, screwed-up proclivities with the entire world. “See, I told you, everyone gazes longingly at their own peaches* every now and again, Tom.”

*It’s so contagious that everytime I think of which fruit to place in one of these sentences, I feel dirty. Try substituting strawberries, figs, kumquats – almost anything and have it not sound slightly dirty!

Tell us, Do Ad, Why do we need to look at our fruit in this new, much sexier manner?

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Don LaFontaine

(1940-1968)

One of the most recongnizable, often mimicked voice over artists passed away. I cannot imagine movie trailers without that basso profunda intoning the ubiquitous, “In a world…”

(PS. Big money’s on Ryan Seacrest to fill the void. That guy does everything.)

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Grover Cleveland

(1885-1889)

  •  Uncle Jumbo
  • The Perpetual Candidate
  • The Stuffed Prophet
  • Elephantine Economist
  • The Hangman of Buffalo
  • His Obstinancy or The Veto President
  • The Beast of Buffalo

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