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OK.

Guy Fieddy (if it is spelled any other way, it is unforgivable making people pronounce it as such).

guyfieri

When I can’t sleep I find his ‘Diners, Drive-ins and Dives’ is on incessantly when most mere mortals are asleep and therefore safe from his tour of bacon grease, beef fat and lard. 

I have no problem with the show.  I love all three of the above (particularly the bacon grease). I simply stand in awe of that man’s constitution.

But mostly I notice he is always attended by a bottle of Pelegrino (the Italian water “mit gas”).  I’m beginning to wonder if there are some secretive healing properties to this water that I was hitherto unaware.

So…

Does Pelegrino negate the constriction of blood vesels and thin the layer of fat that would otherwise build up after consuming three meals a day of deep-fried sausage-filled taquito bombs with chees sauce (wrapped in bacon optional)?

Lemme know. 

I may need the healing powers soon.

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What is with all these programs on yeti and chupacabra and aliens and UFOs?

I think I liked you better when you were just WWII and Nazis and Hitler. Maybe.

I’ll even take the “History’s Mysteries: The Wheel” or “Amazing Discoveries:Water” Just make sure you keep getting Edward Herrmann to narrate everything.

Thank you.

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Before we get to anything else in this post, can I just say, I love the font and the titles for this show.  Seriously, not a huge thing, but I really do love them. 

 

 

Let’s go over the clichés before we get to the new stuff.  Our character (creature-monster-villain-hapless experimentee) for the week is a stock character.  We’ve all seen this guy before.  The hapless loser who has a dead end job and lives at home with his overbearing, sick mother.  The poor sucker will gain strange mysterious powers which will not help him get the girl of him dreams (who he is mildly stalking), but in fact cause him to lose his job.  This time we even gave the guy a funny name, Meeker, pronounced meager, which is a little punny. 

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Let’s start off with what was good;  I didn’t feel there were as many clichés in this episode as there have been.  The other good thing – no trip to Massive Dynamic this week.  Also, we still have the cow.  And, I’m really starting to like the cow.

 

Unfortunately, I’m still not entirely sure what this episode was really about. The A-plot was less a cliché, and more a movie trick: The MacGuffin.  Typically, the MacGuffin is used to move the plot forward, but in this instance, it was used to move the entire A-plot, which really is a sign of lazy writing. [Ed. Note: A MacGuffin is “a plot device which uses an ambiguous object to motivate the pricinple characters”.  Think: golden glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction].

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Although this episode was called “Ghost Network”, the episode was hardly about that – and sadly, had no ghosts.

  The Ghost Network is a network that is on a different frequency than what is used for phones and radio transmissions, but if it could be tapped into, it would give someone a secret network that would allow them to communicate without anyone else knowing or hearing.  Except for the unlucky psychic.  

 But since we have to use either a cliché or an old idea, let us begin with laying out the ones we will use in tonight’s episode:  

 First, we have the premise that a psychic doesn’t know that he is a psychic, but is seeing visions of horrible things that are happening.  (Ugh, we’ve never seen that plot before?)  So, how did he get this strange power?  Well, once upon a time, Our Favorite Mad Scientist injects a strange metal potion to see if it would give him psychic powers, Lo and behold, he did not turn out to be a fire starter, but did get the psychic powers 20 years later.  Which he then uses to listen in on the phone conversations of Latin speaking bad guys (possibly from a drug cartel, who also know about the pattern) as they plot their nefarious deeds.  And then our intrepid FBI agent manages to stop them (but not before one of them commits suicide, so there is no possibility of getting answers from him).  And then we send our psychic home, where hopefully he will never be troubled by ghost network phone calls again.

I have to admit, part of the show was new.  I hadn’t really seen the “people trapped in an amber like substance” bit before.  And I did enjoy that.  Sure it seems like overkill for the bad guys to do that just to get a mysterious glass disk from someone (that is a lot of dead bodies).   And also, I’m always happy to see Latin getting props on TV (in a non-exorcism, or witchy setting).  So it wasn’t all recycled, which is good.  Overall, it wasn’t a bad episode, but I’m still not sure its going to be a great show.

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Also known as the Ultimate Celebration of the Banal! YYYYEEAAAAAAAAHHHH.

The 5 Hosts (aka The 5 guys relegated to hosting reality show programs because they have no discernible talents of their own) are out to open the show and get this…they’ve got nothing. It’s not a bit. They really are such blow-hards that they couldn’t agree for a direction for the opening of the show. HaHaHa. B-holes.

Oooh. Talk about B-holes. Piven wins for Best Supporting Actor-Comedy. Listen to me children, A good heairpiece will inevitably make all the difference in your career. Even if it’s in the janitorial services industry. It is ALWAYS about the hair.

They re-created the Seinfeld diner. It looks nothing like the Seinfeld diner. Thanks TV production magic! And Best Supporting Actress Comedy goes to Jean Smart (who apprarently has like 17 of the babies already, for her amazing ability to play women of a certain age with Southern accents – Did you know she’s really from Minnesota? And she’s 19? And she’s a size 00? That’s ACT-ing).

Conan presents and “was gonna do some more material but Katherine Heigl said it wasn’t Emmy-worthy” Take that, You Ungrateful So-and-So!

Daily Show wins Best Comedy, Musical or Variety just after The Colbert Report wins for the writing in that same category so everybody’s happy.

Josh Groban sings a few measures of a bunch of television theme songs, including the rapping of Fresh Prince of BelAir’s intro. Quelle Suprise, Not Bad.

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