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Archive for the ‘Television’ Category

GO GREEN!  GO WHITE!  Repeat.

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Models Say the Darndest Things. On this week’s episode of America’s Next Top Model:

We check in on a gaggle of “ethnic girls” (as they call themselves) confronting a girl from a small town in Alaska on being racist. Here are her thoughts on the incident…

   “If their whole perogative was to hurt me or to make me cry, well, then, you got me. That’s like gang rape.   That’s like gang violence.”

Hannah, honey, you might be overstating things a wee bit.  – – The best line of the show must go to the girl who got sent packing. She just shrugged and threw her hands up and said with a straight face, “I guess I’ll be an anesthesiologist.” She’s got that little skill to fall back on? Whew. (Either that or a very keen sense of the ironic, acknowledging the world’s view that models don’t know that word, couldn’t spell it, let alone realize it’s a possible occupation).

OPEN LETTER to the writers of Gossip Girl.

Dear Writers:

You can try and write a seduction complete with chocolate covered strawberries but if you set the scene ona Greyhound bus…it pretty much negates the entire idea. Who is gonna grab someone for a little light dalliance in a Greyhound bathroom. That is fundamentaly, perhaps criminally, insane. Sheesh. (Would you like a side of e. coli with your crabcakes?) Please do not try and turn our stomachs with your racy notions.

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When someone starts off a story, “Omigod, I felt like the biggest geek one time…I was at this Doctor Who meet-up group and…”

If the thing that made you feel like the biggest dork was not simply being at the Doctor Who meet-up group, then I have some seriously high expectations for this story!

PS – Who’s gonna be the new Doctor anyway? When are we gonna find out. The fact that it’s not James Nesbitt I find to be a shame. I’d watch that creepy dark Doctor Who. And Jennifer Saunders was an interesting thought. I think she’d do a good job as the first female Time Lord.

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I’ve heard some people say, “Who even cares about them anymore?”

But when you learn – SPOILER ALERT  that no one dies. And that, more importantly, Mr Big’s real name is John Preston, I think you’ve learned enough.

 We can fully support that as the most awesome, most deserving name for some epic, vaunted and dreamy character in a  sitcom.

Oh wait. His full name is John James Preston.

We could also endorse a ‘Jimmy Preston’.

That sounds like a good name to us too.

 

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Here’s a little tip: If you leave the television on, do not be surprised if while you’re bringing in groceries you hear this:

“So I left and then went outside and politely took his windshield out.”

(Someone named “Judge Alex”) incredulously asks, “You are saying you “politely” bashed in his windshield with a baseball bat?”

“Yes sir. That is what I did.”

Surprisingly enough, I did not wait around to find out exactly how one completes that task politely.  But I saw the young lady who claimed to do just that, and if anyone can do it – it’s the kind of gal who decides to wear a tube top to court.

Court that is nationally televised.

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Finding out what’s gotten stuck in this man’s craw!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Honestly, at this point he’s just phoning it in. I don’t think he’s really got the energy to get irate anymore. But, to tell you what’s got him pretending to be angry this week is…

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Stephen Colbert is a really delicious flavor of ice cream.

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