Is Food Network Trying to Kill This Guy

OK.

Guy Fieddy (if it is spelled any other way, it is unforgivable making people pronounce it as such).

When I can’t sleep I find his ‘Diners, Drive-ins and Dives’ is on incessantly when most mere mortals are asleep and therefore safe from his tour of bacon grease, beef fat and lard. 

I have no problem with the show.  I love all three of the above (particularly the bacon grease). I simply stand in awe of that man’s constitution.

But mostly I notice he is always attended by a bottle of Pelegrino (the Italian water “mit gas”).  I’m beginning to wonder if there are some secretive healing properties to this water that I was hitherto unaware.

So…

Does Pelegrino negate the constriction of blood vesels and thin the layer of fat that would otherwise build up after consuming three meals a day of deep-fried sausage-filled taquito bombs with chees sauce (wrapped in bacon optional)?

Lemme know. 

I may need the healing powers soon.

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Salad Dressing – Product Reviews

We here in Austin are lucky enough to have access to a unique salad dressing.

Unique in the fact that it’s local but, unfortunately, it is marketed in the absolute wrong way.

Here’s what some of our readers have to say:

• “Should be called ‘Lower Colon Decimator’.”
• “If Jackson Pollack worked in fecal matter, he’d have a sure fire hit on his hands.”
• “When you want an excuse to leave a meeting – and wipe from ankles to forehead, look no further!”
• “If you’ve been waiting for that really good excuse to thoroughly clean your toilet, THIS IS IT!
• “Ana’s and Bulimics of the world: REJOICE! No more down time waiting for a laxative to kick in!”
• “Should be packaged with a four pack of Charmin!”
• “Tastes Great – Less Filling.”

If they only marketed this as super-direct way to empty your bowels, they’d be rolling in the dough (or something). No laxative, no metamucil…one teaspoon of this and I guarantee you’re in the bathroom within 12 minutes! – It doesn’t matter your constitution!

Bravo, Mr. Oka, Bravo!

If only I had this information days ago – – Oh, well. Next time, then.

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News Flash

Stephen Colbert is a really delicious flavor of ice cream.

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More Bacon, Bacon, Bacon

Homer:  I’ll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o’clock shadow made of bacon bits and a bacon body.
Waitress: How about I just shove a pig down your throat?
(Homer looks excited)
Waitress: I was kidding.
Homer: Fine, but the bacon man lives in a bacon house!
Waitress: No he doesn’t!

 Who doesn’t love bacon, right? But people, I fear your love may have gone too far. Things are getting a little out of hand. Are anyone else’s arteries zipping shut at the mere thought of some of these things?

Today we celebrate everything bacontastic or baconny-riffic, if you will…

Brownie Points has a recipe for Bacon Vodka.

Make your own bacon bowls for your next dinner party’s salad. From Not Martha.

And don’t forget Vogue’s Chocolates has a milk chocolate bar with applewood smoked bacon pieces.

There are diet bacon flavorsprays, bacon toothpicks, bacon mints and bacon air fresheners. And recipes for cookies topped with bacon.

(I’m beginning to think the internet was invented for more than 2 reasons!)

And finally, a salt that makes everything taste like bacon. This one makes a little sense. “Why have fries, when you can bacon fries?” the website questions. Shake over a potato, eggs, steak, steamed broccoli,  popcorn? And you’ll be happy to know, “Bacon Salt is a zero calorie, vegetarian, kosher certified seasoned salt.” So all the Orthodox Jews can safely enjoy the tantalizing flavor of pork. Wrath of God to be determined at a later date.

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