A Mash-Up

I hate mash ups.

This is the only one I feel like adding. It’s Radiohead, okay….and  DAVE BRUBECK !

Cool Enough.

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Check It.

The most awesome collection of pictures of food that may turn you off your lunch at the aptly named This Is Why You’re Fat (.com).

Ladies and Gentlemen…Please Allow me to Introduce to you…

THE HAMDOG!

That’s Right – – A hotdog, snugly nestled inside a hamburger that is then lovingly deep-fried and then generously topped with chili, chese, onions and a couple of servings of fries. All of this is served up in a giant hoagie roll and at last, a fried egg is added to round out the meal.

(Courtesy Mulligans Bar, Decatur GA.)

 

Most are seriously disgusting but there were a few that made me think, ‘I’d try that if it were within arms’ length.’ Like the doughnut with fresh crumbled bacon or the deep fried coca-cola (make it a Diet and I’m prolly the newest convert).

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Ya Bacon Me Craaazy!

We’ve visited to topic of  ‘Bacon: Is There Ever Too Much‘ before but now I believe we can safely agree that yes, there quite possibly could be a way to put one toe over the line.

Case in Point: The Bacon Explosion.

Yeah, so? It looks relatively harmless and delicious. Tell Me more.

Sure. No problem.

It’s simple really; you weave 2 pounds of bacon together. Layer in a pound of sausage and another pound of bacon in the center. Roll and grill.*

Et viola.

PS. If you feel a need to try this, then you may be one of the few that truly has earned this:

*Just a tip. – You might want to call the EMT before you light the grill.  You’ll thank me later.

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Favorite Christmas Movies

Before we get into our list, we provide this UTube Clip for a trailer for “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” only edited to resemble Brokeback Mountain. Sometimes, when taking a break from all the porn, I realize that the interent is a great place for all the lonely, bored and idle hands of the world. Thanks internet nerds! This two and a half minute clip may be funnier than the entire 90 minute movie…You  be the judge.

 

Now onto our list…  (in no particular order)

A Christmas Story. It’s probably on everyone’s list by now and the fact of the matter is that no one really has to watch it anymore. Back when the powers that be retired “It’s a Wonderful Life” only to let it out of it’s cage once a year, they needed something to replay ad infinitum  in its stead. They chose A Christmas Story. And they ran that into the ground. Don’t let that sully its reputation. Still, a classic.  Recommended for: Todays kids who’s parents would never ever allow them to have a Red Rider B-B Gun, even if they knew what a B-B gun was (or where ever allowed to play out of doors unattended.)

The Ref. One that flew under the radar a bit. But any movie that makes your own family’s dysfunction pale by comparison (or at least remind you that it’s okay to laugh at that dysfunction) redeems itself in my eyes. Recommended for: Everyone in my family.

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What Are You Doing History Channel?

What is with all these programs on yeti and chupacabra and aliens and UFOs?

I think I liked you better when you were just WWII and Nazis and Hitler. Maybe.

I’ll even take the “History’s Mysteries: The Wheel” or “Amazing Discoveries:Water” Just make sure you keep getting Edward Herrmann to narrate everything.

Thank you.

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Fringe – Episode 5: “Power Hungry”

Before we get to anything else in this post, can I just say, I love the font and the titles for this show.  Seriously, not a huge thing, but I really do love them. 

 

 

Let’s go over the clichés before we get to the new stuff.  Our character (creature-monster-villain-hapless experimentee) for the week is a stock character.  We’ve all seen this guy before.  The hapless loser who has a dead end job and lives at home with his overbearing, sick mother.  The poor sucker will gain strange mysterious powers which will not help him get the girl of him dreams (who he is mildly stalking), but in fact cause him to lose his job.  This time we even gave the guy a funny name, Meeker, pronounced meager, which is a little punny. 

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Fringe Season 1 Episode 4, “The Arrival”

  

Let’s start off with what was good;  I didn’t feel there were as many clichés in this episode as there have been.  The other good thing – no trip to Massive Dynamic this week.  Also, we still have the cow.  And, I’m really starting to like the cow.

 

Unfortunately, I’m still not entirely sure what this episode was really about. The A-plot was less a cliché, and more a movie trick: The MacGuffin.  Typically, the MacGuffin is used to move the plot forward, but in this instance, it was used to move the entire A-plot, which really is a sign of lazy writing. [Ed. Note: A MacGuffin is “a plot device which uses an ambiguous object to motivate the pricinple characters”.  Think: golden glowing briefcase in Pulp Fiction].

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Fringe

Are you watching? Do you like? Is the writing awful enough for you?

See the Premiere Review here.

This second episode (“Magic Old Man Baby”) opened with one of the creepiest scenes I can remember ever being on television. This eppy deals with people rapidly aging so fast that within hours of their birth, they died from natural causes. And an old experiment allowing scientists to grow an army (Whooo!)

JJ Abrrams seems to have employed the same composer as he does on “Lost” which is either pitch perfect or irritatingly over the top.

The first episode gave moments of absolute hackneyed and well-worn situations. (We all know that the minute someone says, ‘I was afraid to tell you but, I’ve never felt like this’, one of that pair is not going to be alive in five minutes).

It has some odd things working against it but it ends up being fun, engaging and entertaining tosh. The acting here is better than Lost, if we comparing the two shows. Joshua Jackson has grown up from his role of Pacey and delivers his misanthropic charm with ease. And I personally like the idea of tackling different areas of the “fringe” sciences and the paranormal.

Again with the numbers, Abrams? The garage code was the first few digits of Pi. (Cute). Walter repeats numbers of the Fibinacci sequence to fall asleep. (But sometimes out of order?)

But who are the 3 people at the end? Are they clones? Penroses’ son? Possible army?

Will definitely give it a few more opportunities. It’s got me right now but if it wants too much of me, I might have to let it go. Or if it refuses to have any major pay-offs anytime soon; I’m out.

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Wow! Advertising Wednesday

I am absolutely befuddled by this advert.

No idea what is being sold me. No idea what the concept is. I plead ignorance.

Am I being bullied? Frightened? Tickled?

Help us, Doc Ad!

 

 

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Salad Dressing – Product Reviews

We here in Austin are lucky enough to have access to a unique salad dressing.

Unique in the fact that it’s local but, unfortunately, it is marketed in the absolute wrong way.

Here’s what some of our readers have to say:

• “Should be called ‘Lower Colon Decimator’.”
• “If Jackson Pollack worked in fecal matter, he’d have a sure fire hit on his hands.”
• “When you want an excuse to leave a meeting – and wipe from ankles to forehead, look no further!”
• “If you’ve been waiting for that really good excuse to thoroughly clean your toilet, THIS IS IT!
• “Ana’s and Bulimics of the world: REJOICE! No more down time waiting for a laxative to kick in!”
• “Should be packaged with a four pack of Charmin!”
• “Tastes Great – Less Filling.”

If they only marketed this as super-direct way to empty your bowels, they’d be rolling in the dough (or something). No laxative, no metamucil…one teaspoon of this and I guarantee you’re in the bathroom within 12 minutes! – It doesn’t matter your constitution!

Bravo, Mr. Oka, Bravo!

If only I had this information days ago – – Oh, well. Next time, then.

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2008 Olympic Thoughts and Snark – Our Roundup.

There was a lot to be learned from these Olympic games, to be sure. Some positive, some not-so-much. I enjoyed them more than I thought I would and found myself drawn in. But once inside, sometimes you saw a weird bit of human nature. (You know that old ‘Triumph and Tragedy’ chestnut)

So here are some of highs and lows….Or what we learned…Or what we took away from these 2008 Olympic Games…Or whatever.

• One commentator noted the “Amazing Dedication of the kids” referring to a story that a member of a team asked her new coach for a weekend off from training, and when the coach asked her why she needed the time off she replied she hadn’t seen her family in 12 years…”Isn’t that an amazing level of dedication?” Yes, exactly the same attitude I have towards indentured servitude – I simply marvel at their high levels of dedication. And enslavement.
• There was a diver who “dealt with fear and to this day sometimes can’t bring himself jump off the board”. I understand fear. But, a little heads up: You may be in the wrong line of work. (Sorry to be harsh).  Maybe if his dad were treading water in the pool cheering him on, he would feel more positive encouragement to actually dive instead of pooping his barely clothed bottom in fear?
• Please stop referring to the Rythmic Gymnasts as atheletes. It cheapens the word all the way around.  Sure, they get to go out in the gym and get all flexible, but it’s a fine line between these gals and the hippy chicks at a Dead concert.
• I saw the term “Stink Face” personified.  We like Nastia and appreciate her medalling for the US in a bunch of events.  But man, when she is pre-game, her face is all bitch-cakes.  Her mouth is frowning and terse and her eyes are like olympic lasers ready to cut a Chinese athlete in half.  Love her, but let’s cut to a little vignette of her driving her Porsche or something instead of all of those close ups of her face when she’s Doctor Evil Dominant and intense.
• Americans runners may spend hours on the track but, they crucially forget to practice a baton handover.  Hint for 2012: Velcro gloves.
• Poor sportsmanship is enough to negate you effort entirely. I’m looking at you Swedish wrestler, “Hissy fits are not rewarded on the Olympic level. (But if they were you’d have a shot at gold, doofus)”.
• Canoeing is obviously the toughest sport, or how else do explain the only person to puke on the podium?
• Some British newspapers find a new way everyday to add pictures like this:

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Lost “There’s No Place Like Home Part 2” Season Finale

Did you love the season finale of Lost? Did it give you enough to chew on until next year? Did it answer enough of your questions? Or bring up any more?

PLOT OVERVIEW:

Jeremy Bentham is the one in the coffin? That utilitarian philosopher’s been dead 150+ years. Whatevs. (And, yes, he’s the guy who had his body preserved in a glass-topped coffin that’s been on display since he died. He was smart. And slightly creepy. But he’s fully clothed and sitting upright so, maybe not that creepy. And he is the tie breaking vote (always in favor) at the college).

A little rumble in the jungle (with Kate and Sayid and Richard Alpert) to free Ben from his would-be-captors-from-the-freighter. Since Kate and Sayid offered their help, they are free to leave the island. Easy-peasy.

Walt and his grandmother visit Hurley in the nuthouse. Walt says he was visited by Jeremy Bentham and wonders why the rest of the Oceanic 6 are lying about their time on the island. I’m wondering why Walt travelled across the country only to tell him this. Uh?

Ben and Locke are trying to move the island from the Orchid Station. But Keamy will not die and shows up to exact his revenge on Ben. Ben succeeds in killing him which should detonate all the C4 on the Freighter, killing all on board. So?

Kate, Hurley, Jack and Sawyer get on the helicopter headed to the Freighter. When the helicopter looses fuel Sawyer bails. (But, not too worry, he will later emerge from the water ala Ursula Andress).

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Lost Season 4 Ep. 9 The Shape Of Things To Come

STORY SYNOPSIS:

CampLocke: Playing Risk – Australia is the key to whole game. (Referencing Claire? Plane departure?)

Locke gets a phone call – Code 14-J: Ben’s non-plussed. They’re Heeeeere!

Ben wants Locke to survive, “It’s very imporatant that you survive what’s about to happen here John.”  Ben needs John to talk to Jacob. And they both need Hurley to find Jacob’s cabin.

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News Flash

Stephen Colbert is a really delicious flavor of ice cream.

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Chindogu

Ahhhh. The Portable Pedestrian Crossing. No more jaywalking for you! Simply pull out your painted mat, unfurl and nobly walk across any street – any time, any where. The world must come to a screeching halt for you!

 

Clearly this will save much hassle. And is infinitely more superior than simply darting through a quick break in traffic. I see this saving many lives!

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Lost: Meet The New Boss, Same As The Old Boss.

We all know now that “Meet Kevin Johnson” refers to Micheal. So, let’s review – Micheal was ready to kill 2 strangers (Ana Lucia and Libby) to rescue the man (Ben) he had to, to save his son (Walt).

PLOT:

(Yay, Miles doesn’t have a grenade in his mouth anymore) Locke brings Miles in for a little tete a tete (or tete a lotsa people, whatever). Ben confesses Micheal is Ben’s spy on the boat.

Captain Gault is having a bit of a hard time regulating his staff. Sayid confronts Micheal about why he’s on the boat. He’s here to quote unquote: Die. DuntDuntDuntDunnnn…. 

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Wow! Advertising Wednesday

Settle in, people; this one is seriously text-rich. And it involves the old gimmick where Kleenex doesn’t need to pay their ad agency because they ask people to send in their stories gratis. Unless it was the agency’s idea – then, Kleenex pays them but they don’t actually have to do any work. Whatevs.

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Big Brother 9 Updates

“People don’t think I’m smart when they meet me. So then when they find out I’m smart, they’re kind of intimidated. Cause I’ll blow you away with my looks and then turn around and blow you away with my brains.” So, she’s gonna blow you a couple of different ways. (Spoiler: She’s not actually too smart).

This was one of the profiles of a Big Brother 9 contestant. I am not going to pretend like I know their names because I don’t. They seem to be of the under-26, vapidly ubiquitous set. So why do you care?

Because this season is bonkers.

There have been two hospitalizations so far (airing tonight! Yay). There is a “straight” guy who’s been in gay porn, there have been strip shows (started by a stripper who loves Jesus but doesn’t see the disconnect there), a naked pool party and the only one over 30? Oh yeah, she’s a former Penthouse pet who lived with Bob Guccione for a decade or so.

The best thing about this group of media-whores? They wait until 9pm when Showtime begins their live coverage to bother with any of their antics. (Almost?) Staging fights (with blows so low – making fun of a girl’s father and his suicide? Are you kidding me? – All of this having known each other for 4 days.) And yet all is forgiven immediately. They’re hyper-aware of being on television, constantly saying “I’m only doing this for Showtime.” Well, bully for Showtime. It’s nice to know that you wouldn’t otherwise degrade yourself, but…for Showtime? Anything!

Savvy? Subtle? Sublime?

Hey, if this doesn’t appeal to you then turn into FOX’s smash hit lie detector game show, “Moment of Truth.” Watch people admit things like, “I feel like I should actually be married to my ex-boyfriend and not this clown sitting with me” or “Yes, I’ve avoided having children with my wife because I have doubts as to whether I’ll be with her in a year” Good times. Now that you’ve admitted that, answer just three more outrageous statements and you might win $100,000 (half of which will be your wife’s in the divorce). Awww, FOX television, ruining the moral fiber of America since 1991.

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Lost – Thoughts and More Season 4

Am I the only one who’s not going to be surprised if someone on the Freighter is named Nikki Tesla at this point? Or if we have some grand allusions to the Philadelphia Experiment (wherein it’s supposedly possibly to bend light around an object making it unobservable to the naked eye)?

We know the guy on the Freighter is named George Minkowski (Hermann Minkowski the mathematician who realized Einstein’s theory of relativity could best be understood in four dimensional space or what has since been known as Minkowski spacetime)!

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The Rap Artist and His Bling.

I like disposable income as much as the next guy.

I even put a lot of value into making sure any passerby can tell that I have alot of said disposable income. I think it’s telling the world. ‘I am better than you because I have money. I know you want to be me. The best you can hope for is to be near me.’

That said, I go about my ostentatious show in a classy way. It’s rhodium for me all the way, baby. (FACT: Rhodium is 6.5 times more expensive than platinum. Look it up). Others, it seem, don’t understand the subtlety that is required to pull off the in-your-face exuberance of having cash to burn with panache. Without further ado…

The top 3 Most Egregious Examples of Bling:

1. Sean Kingston had a good idea. And one that could really showcase his buying power, incorporating a myriad of gemstones. – YAY! But I guess there was a problem with the licensing folks at Crayola. Therefore, he’s got a box of ’64 Crayons’ hanging from his spherical gob.

Unfortunately, someone spilled juice or maybe took some potshots with a paintball uzi at his trusty old box of crayons when all the gemstones were being placed.

All that money and they couldn’t even get a napkin to wipe that up. Oh well.

2. This guy gets it. It’s subtle. If you forget who I am, check me out Navel-level.

This has the added bonus of being easily identifiable if stolen. It’s not your garden variety over-sized dollar sign encrusted with diamonds. This is definitely the way to go.

Although, he is now committed to those sunglasses and that iteration of facial hair. Forever.

3. Do you love your Chocolate Frosted Suagr Bombs? I do too! But it did not occur to me to bedazzle the darn box and hang it around my neck. It occurred to Lil Boosie. (And forgive me for not being aware of when Tony the Tiger was joined on the box with a hype man). The rappers these days are tres self-referential!

My only sartorial advice: He should wear a nice red kerchief. It would really bring the look together. I mean, he already has bedazzled tigers of his front/back pockets. (In an homage to Kriss Kross)?

This thing looks terribly painful, all right angles and heft aplenty. Is this his hair shirt? Is he attempting penance for his lack of taste and judgement? Or for his (lil) boozy lifestyle?

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